While We’re Being Honest

This morning, a drive down south turned my honest prayers into poetry while simultaneously turning my heart to the direction it truly needed to be turned.

The spoken word is one of my weaknesses. I do not find it easy to speak without a script. Even my prayers become disjointed and I lose focus. However, today, as I drove my car through my two and a half hour commute to my true home, I found myself a regular Shakespeare – this time, words flowing as I opened my heart.

“While we’re being honest… ” I kept saying to God as I passed landmark after landmark, driving to a place I desperately wanted to stay. All that was missing was my children, who were in school.

Oh, how I wanted to go grab them and take them with me and never come back to the place I was speeding away from. How I wanted to snap my fingers and wish it all into life.

Have you ever had one of those prayer sessions that left you completely empty? And by empty, I mean you really poured yourself out to God until you had unloaded every worry, fear, and doubt? And then, that emptiness was filled with His promises? Your emptiness turning to joy?

This happened to me today. I did not dare utter the word “Amen” until I knew I had given it all up to Him, knowing that it was long overdue.

“While we’re being honest… I messed up.”

“While we’re being honest… I miss this.”

“While we’re being honest… I did not trust You and now I can see what I should have done.”

“While we’re being honest… I need You.”

Because who can hide from God anyway? He already knows, so why do we sometimes talk to him like we’re trying to look “presentable”? God doesn’t need us to be ready, he needs us to be honest. You don’t have to stand in front of a mirror, put on your prettiest make-up and your best dress, and say, “Now, God. Now you can look. Now I’m ready. Here I am!”

He already knows, so why do we keep it from Him? He saw you when you messed up. He knows you miss your life and maybe made a hasty decision out of fear. He knows You didn’t trust Him to deliver you and you instead chose to trust in man or yourself to make things happen because your near-sighted vision does not allow you to see what God sees and your mind was closed to the possibility that maybe, just maybe, God had a plan and you had to trust it.

Today, God showed me that when He wants something, it will come relentlessly. If you are praying in His will, He will answer in ways you would never expect. God’s timing is always perfect, and I even told Him today that I now knew that from the lesson He taught me just over the weekend.

Without going into detail, I got bold. I asked God for what I wanted. I said, “God, fix this. We need a 24-hour turnaround. My family is desperate.” That was Sunday night, driving past that one stoplight in Ozark.

The next morning at 7:00am, Miracle #1 happened. Then, as I prayed aloud, “Please… please just let us go home,” at 8:15pm, less than ten minutes after I uttered those words, Miracle #2 happened. Then today at precisely 1:51pm, after praying for God’s intervention to make it all possible and not just a dream, Miracle #3 happened and set the past 48 hours into stone.

Before Miracle #3, God reminded me of a dream I had had.

It was a dream about my dear Sean. He was driving me from Point A (where I am now) to Point B (where I used to live). He told me, “We will rest here, at the halfway point. You’re almost there. You’re almost at your place of permanence. You are almost home.”

Ladies and gentleman… in a dream, my sweet husband drove me from the place I am currently living…. before I even moved there. I had often wondered, after having that dream, why I was driving with him from this destination.

It was like the dream was foreshadowing. God knew I would come up here, and He knew I would make the choice that appeared “correct” before praying on it. And God knew I would need as strong of a kick in the rear as my deceased husband showing me, “and what did I tell you? I said you were home when I brought you back here in May. Why didn’t you trust Me?”

That hurt. A lot. And I instantly knew He was right. When I begged for forgiveness and asked Him to help me make it right… my third miracle happened and it was the miracle that is going to set it all straight.

Today, I have never been more grateful for God’s mercy. I have messed up so much in these last nine months. However, He has not given up on me. He has allowed my to drive my own vehicle and take many a wrong turn. Then, out of pure love and mercy, He turns me back around after I realize I’m lost.

He leaves the 99 to find the 1. And so He has with me.

“While we’re being honest… I desperately wish the last nine months would fade as a memory into our lives while we piece back together I broke.”

And today, for the first time in a really long time – since maybe May – I knew that everything was truly going to be alright and I am truly in the road to fixing it all.

“While we’re being honest…. you’re almost home.”

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